daniela's birthday wish granted

solitary wish
Originally uploaded by in retrospect.

last night i met up with my two favorite women in the world for a little pre-celebration of daniela’s birthday.

we started out at the house with a little champagne, gifting and girltalk followed by dinner at a greek resaurant in malibu where we feasted on octopus, dolthmas and shrimp prepared to inspire food performance art.

all was just fine and good, until the conversation turned abrubtly to my love life. the only trouble with running with a crowd of coupled up friends is their, admittedly well-placed, concern for my social life. or rather my lack of one.

after many years of spending time in misguided, ill-advised relationships i made a conscious and deliberate decision a few years ago to get comfortable in my own, single, skin. this is not a secret to anyone i know, or anyone who reads this site with any kind of regularity.

i’ve come to realize the pursuit of happiness, and being single are not mutually exclusive endeavors. at the same time, it can be a tough and lonely place to hold firm to the idea that i simply refuse to waste my precious time with people that i feel no sense of connection with, this includes friends, lovers and dinner dates.

however, after many months and years of watching me frighten men off in bars with a simple raise of an eyebrow or verbal assault, while inexplicably entangling myself with inappropriate, unavailable or unsuitable prospects–my girlfriends have decided that i can no longer be trusted to make these kinds of decisions without their intervention.

after an hour of defending my position that a shotgun approach is not my style and putting myself out there online just makes me feel like i’m in a bar 24/7 fending off bad one-liners and ill-intentioned propositions–i finally told my dear friends (with no small amount of exasperation) that fine, if they want me to get out there then they could write the damn profiles and field the prospects for me.

not realizing the excitement that this would generate or how eagerly they would take on this challenge, the conversation spiraled rapidly into something like this:

d: ooh! ok. we’ll put profiles on match and eHarmony..
l: we could do multiple profiles! you know, for all the sides of heidi we know and love…!
d: and craigslist and yahoo…
l: would we get to pick from your flickr photos? public or private?
h: erm. public. and preferably the snarling ones.
d: maybe we could show up and sit in the corner to observe!
l: that’s perfect. with recording devices and telephoto lenses….
d: i feel a little like a pimp!
l: i know! how fabulous is that? we’ll need purple hats with feathers
d: and a gold tooth. which one should i do? the top or bottom?
l: top side, definitely. okay, so we’ll put up profiles on match eharmony and myspace and craigslist um…
d: ooh! we could do eBay!!! if they can sell a potato chip shaped like the virgin mary on eBay i’m sure we could auction off a date with heidi! oh man, this is like my birthday wish come true!

by this point i’m slumped back into my seat, drinking heavily at the enthusiasm at which my supposed “friends” have taken on this challenge.

even though i managed to retain veto power, i’m afraid. very afraid.

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