Jul
18

wild-eyed and desperate

i can’t sleep.

at least not through the night. and it’s transforming me into an irrational emotional frustrated creature that can’t focus or keep a single thought in my head.

i’ve never had trouble getting myself to sleep. ever. i’ve always been one to rest my weary head, and slide easily into a deep slumber that not a freight train nor a window-shaking bass-playing roommate could disturb.

yet for the last month or so, like clockwork, i spring wide awake around 3am. and i lie there. helpless. and sleepless. watching the sun creep up over the horizon and into my bedroom window while i silently curse the passing of time as i am present for every single sleepless moment of it.

now granted i’ve been getting itchy again lately. not sure the why or the what of it yet, but definitely getting itchy.

maybe as you approach the middle of your life, you no longer can wander around in the seemingly infinite space of time fucking around making mistakes, attempting this and that just to see what will happen.

or maybe in the middle of your life when you spend too much time overanalyzing and thinking about the passage of time, your mind starts screaming out of sheer frustration.

that’s enough to keep a person up at night.

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